Stupid Answers To Stupid Questions That Will Get Every Teacher Fired

Working in small-town school districts has many challenges. Teachers are expected to uphold certain moral and ethical standards on a 24/7 basis. Nonetheless, as humans, teachers make mistakes and errors, often at the most inopportune times. Even a quick trip to the local grocery store to purchase certain beverages that assist in the regeneration process all teachers go through during the weekend can cause endless amounts of gossip if students catch you. And in the classroom, a wrong word, a negative statement or a sarcastic retort during an emotionally charged debate can get a teacher into a lot of trouble. So be sure to never use any of the following ten silly answers to everyday student questions that might get a teacher fired.

Money issues are of paramount importance to most teachers. Whether the topic is teacher’s pay or state and federal funding, teachers often see financial issues in a completely different light than many taxpayers. As a result, the blame game can get plenty of teachers into trouble, as in the following scenario.

Student: "Why does this school not have any decent lab equipment?"

Teacher: "Because your parents keep voting to lower taxes."

Students always have great excuses for not doing their homework or not turning in an assignment. And even though they are completely in the wrong, a sarcastic comment can turn the dialogue against you, especially if parents are present!

Student: "I did not copy that paper from Eddie. He must have scanned it himself and then hacked into my computer and posted it under my name on facebook."

Teacher: "And I suppose his facebook page is called, www.imabigdumbcheater.com?"

Sardonic and sarcastic comments are often a teacher’s best friend, but can cause plenty of problems as well. Imagine the following scenario in which the teacher responds to the student’s comment with obvious sarcasm dripping from their mouths. Sometimes teachers can’t help themselves, but they must remember that most of these questions are asked innocently; it’s just that this was the sixth time that question was asked during that one class period!

Student: "Hey Mr. Johnson, does France have a Fourth of July?"

Teacher: "No Eddie, they just go from the third to the fifth, and skip the fourth."

Sometimes constant student misbehavior can break a teacher. To a very active and jittery student, it’s not a "best practice" to make the following comment.

Teacher: "You need to grind up your Ritalin and snort it, cause it’s just not effective enough!"

Small town gossip can get plenty of teachers into trouble. Although this is most certainly not the early 1900s, where female teachers were not allowed to teach for pregnancy (as in the case of my grandmother), or fired for "enjoying the company of gentlemen at an ice cream parlor," teachers must still be careful and know the customs and traditions of the towns their school districts serve. Here in Texas, football is a Friday night religion, so the wrong comment at the wrong time might get the town thinking you’re a communist!

Student: "Hey Mr. Smith, are you going to the game tonight?"

Teacher: "What game? Oh, that game. No, I’m going to watch a real sport tonight because Real Madrid takes on Bayern München on Telemundo. Football is for Americans who think athleticism comes through brute strength; soccer is for real athletes."

Obviously avoiding religious or political issues, teachers must tiptoe around controversial topics. Proselytizing or pushing a political agenda crosses ethical lines, but it is quite difficult at times not to keep quiet to ridiculous questions or statements.

Student: "My Dad says Germany is just one big socialist commune!"

Teacher: "Yes, the fourth largest economy in the world, the largest exporter of goods from 1988 - 2004 and a higher living standard and life expectancy than the United States; but they are just a bunch of pot-smoking, beer-drinking, non shaving, godless, liberal hippies."

Teachers Rule! A list of great teacher pranks!

The Pickle Tree. A few more true stories about how to add humor into the classroom.

Outrageous Comments by Parents Another compilation of parent comments.

Social events cause even more problems, as students somehow fail to understand that teachers are humans and have lives outside of school grounds. Combined with gabby students and a small town atmosphere, the following situation at the county fair might have you meeting the school board by week’s end.

Student: "Hey Mr. Washington. Is that your wife?"

Teacher: "Shh! No! And don’t say another word or I’ll fail you."

Inside the classroom can cause just as many headaches as failed social events. Under constant pressure, teachers often take out their frustrations on their students, which in turn leads to long meetings with the principal.

Student: "Isn’t it true that Sweden doesn’t have running water or telephones?"

Teacher: "I lose an IQ point every time I enter this class."

Student: "Mr. Teer, why did Eddie get a better grade than me? We got the exact same amount of answers wrong!"

Teacher: "Because I like Eddie."

And the number one way to get fired as a teacher is responding in the most sarcastic means possible obviously silly questions.

Student: "Hey Mr. Franklin, is that your baby?"

Teacher: "No, Sherlock, I just found it in a ditch and thought I’d try to sell her on the black market. You interested?"

So don’t get caught making any of these mistakes. Doing so might just land you a job with your ex-students, and nobody wants that!